This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series: ’50 Politically Incorrect Thoughts for Men’
41. Help with the laundry – sometimes. Help with the household tasks when she’s overwhelmed, or to give her a break, and certainly if you’re both working. But (especially when the children are young), keep some distance between keeping house and taming the wilderness (aka climbing the company ladder). Our culture may say it’s wrong to have sex-specific task; but our culture is sick.
42. Be considerate of her emotional state. Women are generally more emotional than men, and are in greater need of protection. That’s an evolutionary, not just a cultural, thing. Deal with it.
43. Speak to men and women differently. Generally, men emphasise things ‘out there’ – actions; whereas women emphasise things ‘in there’ – feelings. You need to recognise this in one another. Quit thinking “why can’t women just…” Adapt.
44. Learn how to speak to women. Everyone needs affirmation, but men and women need it in different ways. Pay attention to how she responds to praise and criticism. If you were in a house full of guys, you can say, “Hey, next time cook the peas about half this long.” But with a woman, you may need to try, “Thanks for cooking peas. I like peas.” And then hope she asks, “Is that the way you like them?” Then you say something like, “These are good, but I like them even better if they’re cooked a little less.”
45. Women expect others to affirm their feelings. If she comes to you with a problem, she may want you to fix it. But, equally, she may know perfectly well how to fix it herself, but what she wants is some empathy.
46. Control your eyes. It’s OK to appreciate a woman’s beauty, but it’s childish to lust and leer.
47. No porn. How would you like it if she spent her time getting aroused reading stories of rich, successful men? Porn is wrong because: women aren’t really like that; most women don’t like the things porn stars do; you’re creating a false image of sex in your mind that will mess up your real sex life; you’re supporting an industry that abuses people; and porn is about uncommitted sex with no consequences. Or think of it this way: if your wife is your only legitimate outlet for sex, you’re going to be motivated to maintain a healthy relationship.
48. No sex outside marriage. Your sex drive is a wild stallion. But a wild stallion won’t pull a plough, and you can’t ride it. So you need to tame it. Society thrives when men have to get married before they can have sex, when they have to earn the right to get laid. Forget all the twaddle about “it’s up to me what I do in private and who I do it with’. Just because people have sex in private doesn’t mean that sex is entirely a private affair between consenting adults. The modern approach is destroying culture. If we continue living off the borrowed capital of previous generations, we’ll soon be bankrupt. The better way is for man’s sex drive to be harnessed to make young men into responsible, useful, members of society. That way, women’s potential as wives and mothers will be maximised too. Sex needs to be directed towards something useful, which is marriage and family.
49. Birth control changed behaviour, but it didn’t change human nature. Physical intimacy needs to come after emotional intimacy and trust. The modern sequence is: attraction, then sex, then maybe love, then maybe marriage. It makes much more sense to go: attraction, then maybe love, then maybe marriage, then sex.
50. There are good marriages out there. Despite the raving lunacies of our culture, and the ways in which our society undermines marriage, there are successful marriages out there. Love is still around, and committed, life-long love is the best kind.
Eggs are Expensive, Sperm is Cheap, by Greg Krehbiel. Crowhill Publishing, 2014.