A farmer asked his neighbour if he might borrow a rope. “Sorry,” said the neighbour.  “I’m using my rope to tie up my milk.” “Rope can’t tie milk.” “I know,” replied the neighbour.  “but when a man doesn’t want to do something, one reason is as good as another.” (Illustrations for Biblical Preaching)

A school teacher who is consistently late insists that she is a victim of compulsive lateness syndrome.

FBI agent who embezzled 2000 dollars from the government and gambled it away and he’s suing to get his job back because his compulsive gambling is a handicap and therefore protected by federal law.

A columnist wrote about two men who hurt their backs in refrigerator races when they carried them on their backs and they are suing the manufactures for failing to warn them against such activity.

‘Richard Cory, who got drunk and injured himself in a car crash, is sueing the bar which sold him the liquor.  A San Francisco court say they will hear the case.’  (Daily Mail, 27/9/80)

When no-one answered the front door, the vicar, knowing that somebody was at home, left his visiting-card with the scripture Rev 3:20 written on the back: ‘Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in.’  Next Sunday when people were leaving the church, a lady handed him her own card on which she had written, ‘Genesis 3:10 – ‘I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and hid myself.'”

Whoever wants to be a judge of human nature should study people’s excuses. (Hebbel)