Dear friends, just a quick update to let you know that Sarah experienced a bit of a ‘blip’ last night – headache, sickness and high blood pressure.  She was ferried across to the N & N Hospital as a precautionary measure.  Thorough assessment (including a CT scan) didn’t find anything of particular concern, and she returned to her rehab ward.  She has spent the day resting, and is feeling quite a lot better.  She is, to use an expression that was sometimes applied to an equally famous patient, ‘in good spirits and laughing and joking with the nurses!’  What a brave, brave soldier she is!

Subject to her blood pressure being stabilised, I think we’re still on course for Sarah to come home some time next week.

I would just like to add that the staff of the Rapid Assessment and Treatment Unit, although clearly very busy, were wonderfully kind and helpful.  It was also nice to have our son David (who works as an OT in A & E) around for support.

*****

Tuesday, 9th May

Dear friends, the last few days have seen Sarah make further progress in various aspects of her rehab. With regard to mobility, she’s gradually getting stronger and more in control of her movements. On Saturday, she and the other ladies in her bay enjoyed watching the Coronation on TV. And today they all went outside to witness the official opening of the new therapy garden. It was a very happy occasion, especially as the weather behaved perfectly!

The ’d’ word (discharge) is being mentioned more and more. It looks likely that Sarah will come home early next week. She’s been very well looked after in hospital (especially in the Critical Care Unit and now on Beech Ward). But (nearly) five months is quite long enough. She’s ready to come home. We’ll face the next chapter together, supported, I’m sure, by our wonderful family and friends.

I have been reminded today of the fragility of our lives. The four ladies in Sarah’s bay have formed quite a close bond. But each has her own challenges at the present time. Sarah herself is a bit ‘under the weather’ just at the moment. It might just be the side-effect of some of the medication she’s on, and I hope they can get it sorted out quickly. Another lady experienced something of a medical emergency this afternoon. Yet another, realising how close Sarah and I are, has been feeling sad that her own late husband isn’t by her side.

This brings me (with her and her family’s permission) to dear Renee.

Some while ago (29th January, to be precise), I quoted in my evening bulletin the words of a hymn by George Matheson – “O love that wilt not let me go.” It was written, its author tells us, in the space five minutes at a time of personal distress.

Sarah and I had noticed, above Renee’s bed, a poster containing the words of a poem which is based on a line from the hymn just mentioned: “I trace the rainbow through the rain.” It was written by Renee herself to encourage others, and I pray that its author, and others too, will receive encouragement from it.

God bless you.

*****

Thursday, 4th May

Dear friends, on 11th January Sarah was at the beginning of what has proved to be a very gradual process of recovery.  In my bulletin, I pondered: “Will she be able to speak?  Will she be able to use one or both hands?  Will she be able to walk?  Time will tell.”

Can she speak?  Yes! And the Sarah who speaks to us is just the same wonderful wife, mother, grandma and friend that she has always been.

Can she use her hands?  Yes! Despite a very disappointing setback when she lost much of the use of the left side of her body, she retains good use of her right hand and arm, and her left side is responding well to therapy.

Can she walk?  She’s getting there.  Two days ago, with the help of two therapists and a rather elaborate walking frame, she walked almost the length of the gym.  Wonderful!

Although we still don’t have a date for Sarah’s discharge home, the necessary equipment has been ordered, and should be delivered towards the end of next week.  So it looks like we’re getting towards the end of one chapter and are about to start another.  That feels slightly scary for me, as her main carer!

But there is so much to look forward to.

Our second granddaughter has very much set her heart on grandma being around when she celebrates her 6th birthday, in early June.

We are happy to know that many friends are able to keep 8th July (2pm, at Holy Trinity Church, Norwich) in their diaries for a service of thanksgiving for God’s grace during Sarah’s illness and ongoing recovery.  We realise that there will be some who would like to be part of that celebration but cannot be there in person.  We are pleased to say that the service will be live-streamed on the church’s Youtube channel.

I find it odd that churches offer a lot of possibilities for praying for sick people, but far fewer, it seems, for giving thanks for those who have received a measure of healing.  I am mindful of the account of ten men with leprosy who were all healed by Jesus.  Only one – a Samaritan – came back and praised God and thanked Jesus.  This prompted the Lord to ask: “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” (Luke 17:17-18).

God bless you.

*****

Saturday, 29th April

Dear friends, today, Sarah swapped her woolly hat for a sun hat, and we have been out and about in the beautiful sunshine. First we enjoyed lunch at a favourite spot – the Dyrrah café on Earlham Road. Then I suggested that I might push her round to our home, and she readily agreed. It was, of course, her first visit there since 18th December. She sat for a while in our garden, inspecting the flowers and listening to the birdsong. Then we went indoors and checked that we can manoeuvre a wheelchair around the ground floor of the house. She loved it. It was a happy, and rather emotional, anticipation of the more permanent homecoming that we look forward to before long.

Early on in Sarah’s illness, a friend asked me about my love for Sarah. I replied in a line of a song by Tom Paxton: “I could have loved (her) better.” I have learned so much during the period of her illness and ongoing recovery. And I think I can say I love her better now than at any other time in our (nearly) 46 years of marriage. But I shall have to borrow another’s words in order to express it:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

(Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

*****

Wednesday, 26th April

Dear friends, Sarah continues to grow stronger with each day. She is working hard up in the gym, and has various exercises to do while at her bedside. Everyone is keen for her to make the most of the therapy that is available to her, and this may lead to a little bit of slippage in the timing of her return home.

I have mentioned before Sarah’s amazing cheerfulness. I believe that, since she became fully ‘awake’ at the beginning of February, there have been just two (very short) periods of time when she felt rather sorry for herself. Apart from that, she has focussed, not on what she can’t (yet) do, but on what she can do.

And she has a great ability to see the comical side of things. Here are a few examples.

Recently, she was being encouraged to touch her nose with her left index finger. She found it difficult. “Perhaps I should get my nose moved!” says Sarah.

A few days ago, I was getting her ready to take her outside in her wheelchair. She asked the nurse, in a perfectly innocent voice: “Shall we take the call bell with us, just in case we need any help?” The poor nurse (who didn’t know Sarah very well) clearly thought: “Poor woman, she’s still confused after her stroke!”

And (if you will excuse a slightly indelicate story), only today she was left a little too long on a rather uncomfortable commode. After ten or fifteen minutes (according to Sarah), she had ‘Made in Great Britain’ imprinted on her bottom!

Well, they do say that ‘laughter is the best medicine’!

Please remember in your prayers one of Sarah’s fellow-patients, who I will simply identify as ‘R’. This lady has, according to her family, been a great encouragement to others in times past, but is now in need of encouragement herself. (Sarah has been taking something of a lead in this!). We have the family’s permission to share a bit more about this dear woman, but that is for another time.

God bless you.

*****

Saturday, 22nd April

Dear friends. Just a quick update: Sarah has been making good progress throughout the week. On Thursday, she was pronounced medically fit for discharge. On Friday, her physiotherapist told us that she now meets the basic criterion for coming home (being able to transfer with one carer, rather than two). He has put the ball in our court to consider how soon we think that should be. Sarah and I agree that it would be good to aim for her to come home in about 2 weeks time. Various pieces of equipment will be provided on loan, and she will receive a further 6 weeks of therapy from the community team.

There is still a lot of hard work yet to be done, and plenty of progress yet to be made. But we have reached an exciting milestone on Sarah’s journey.

God bless you.

*****

Tuesday, 18th April

Dear friends, it is exactly 4 months since Sarah was admitted to hospital with ‘flu, pneumonia and sepsis. We were told at the beginning that the journey would be a ‘roller-coaster’, and so it has been. For those of you who have joined this ‘broadcast’ recently, you can catch up with the full story here.

The latest news is that Sarah has moved from a single-bedded to a four-bedded room (simply because the single-bedder was needed by another patient). But she has settled well, and what is lacking in having her own private space is somewhat compensated for by the conviviality of her new surroundings.

As you know, Sarah is a highly positive and motivated person. Although she is eager to come home, she is determined to make the most of the therapy that is on offer at the Community Hospital. I love seeing the look of quiet triumph on her face as she shows off how well she can stand, or change her position in bed, or use her left hand. Today she spent some time on the parallel bars, not doing somersaults (yet!), but stepping forwards and backwards with each foot in turn. No prizes for guessing where that exercise might be heading.

It has been a joy to take Sarah outside in her wheelchair and enjoy the Spring sunshine almost every day. We walk round the cemetery (and visit the beautiful pond there), across to the Dyrrah café at Earlham House, and even as far as Heigham Park (where we met two of our grandchildren, and watched them play). Home begins to beckon!

Within a day or two of her admission to ITU, back in December, I was invited to jot down a few things about Sarah as person. Amongst other things, I wrote that Sarah’s friends would describe her as ‘cheerful, friendly, sociable, loyal, kind, generous, thoughtful, uncomplicated, loving and caring.’ I am so thankful that, while the recovery of her body still has some distance to go, those qualities of personality and character still shine as brightly as ever.

In all the various trials we have to face, may God give us his comfort, not that we might be comfortable, but that we might be comforters:

‘Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.’ (2 Corinthians, chapter 1)

God bless you.

*****

Thursday, 13th April

Dear friends, a repeated comment from Sarah’s therapists is, “Well, she is making such good progress that…” Indeed, almost every day is bringing something new on her rehabilitation journey.

Tuesday was a particularly productive day. It started off with a good session up in the gym, during which she demonstrated that she could stand, unaided, for 30 seconds (unbelievable!). Then she rang me at 10, inviting me out to lunch. So at 11.15 we headed across the cemetery to the Dyrrah café at Earlham House, where we enjoyed coffee, bacon roll and lemon drizzle cake. Naturally, she saw, recognised and chatted to, three different people while we were sitting there! A very welcome slice of normality! After lunch came a visit from her chiropodist. Then we had a fruitful discussion with her Occupational Therapist, who visited our house this afternoon to carry out an initial assessment of adaptations that might be needed when Sarah finally comes home (perhaps in another 4 weeks or so). But, of course, it’s difficult to be sure what will be required, because, “Well, Sarah is making such good progress that…!”

Reflecting back on our story so far, you might not expect me to quote a punk rocker. But I was touched recently, when I read about John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten, of the Sex Pistols) and his wife Nora Forster. They had been married for 44 years, and Nora has just died after a long and debilitating illness. She was formally diagnosed with dementia in 2018, and he became her full-time carer as her condition deteriorated. He says that he has been “deeply changed” by caring for his wife. Despite her long and difficult illness, he said that their life together had been “worth every moment”. “No joy comes without pain and, boy, do I know that now.”

My journey with Sarah has not been the same as John Lydon’s with Nora. But I too have been learning all sorts of things. About friendship, about not taking one another for granted, about valuing the simple things, about the privilege and joy of been needed by another person, and about knowing and feeling that God is there, even in the darkest days.

God bless you.

*****

Easter Sunday, 9th April

Dear friends, Happy Easter from both of us!

We look forward to joining (via livestream) our many friends at Holy Trinity Norwich for morning worship at 10am.

See, what a morning, gloriously bright,
With the dawning of hope in Jerusalem;
Folded the grave-clothes, tomb filled with light,
As the angels announce, “Christ is risen!”
See God’s salvation plan,
Wrought in love, borne in pain, paid in sacrifice,
Fulfilled in Christ, the Man,
For he lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

(Stuart Townend)

Love from Sarah and Jonathan

*****

Wednesday, 5th April

Dear friends, it is, I think, 110 days since Sarah was first admitted to hospital. Her recovery, despite one or two setbacks, has been remarkable. One of the most wonderful things has been her cheerfulness in circumstances that many of us would have found almost unbearable. I love seeing her laugh.

Sarah is gradually becoming stronger and more mobile. She is able to stand from a sitting position with ease. I can’t think that it will be too long before she is able to take her first (supported) steps. Highlights of the past few days have been excursions outside in her wheelchair. These have incorporated visits from our grandchildren, a trip round the beautiful grounds of Earlham cemetery, and a visit to a nearby café with her sister Isabel. And all in fabulous Spring sunshine.

For bodies that have an amazing capacity for self-repair; for doctors, nurses and therapists who combine skill with compassion; for the joy of friendship, human and divine; for the hope of a day when every tear will be wiped away, and all wrongs put to right, we have reason to thank our heavenly Father.

This Easter time, we especially give thanks for the love of God in Jesus Christ. In the words of Richard Baxter (1615-1691), who ministered in Kidderminster and elsewhere:

‘Is it a small thing in your eyes to be loved by God- to be the son, the spouse, the love, the delight of the King of glory? Christian, believe this, and think about it: you will be eternally embraced in the arms of the love which was from everlasting, and will extend to everlasting- of the love which brought the Son of God’s love from heaven to earth, from earth to the cross, from the cross to the grave, from the grave to glory– that love which was weary, hungry, tempted, scorned, scourged, buffered, spat upon, crucified, pierced- which fasted, prayed, taught, healed, wept, sweated, bled, died. That love will eternally embrace you.’

God bless you.

*****

Friday, 31st March

Dear friends, Sarah and I are excited to have received so many positive responses to our invitation to join us for our service of thanksgiving on Saturday 8th July. We would especially like to thank those who have offered to bring in cake or something savoury for the get-together afterwards. We’ll get back to you nearer the time about that.

Sarah has completed her first full week at Beech Ward (Stroke Rehab) at Norwich Community Hospital. She has enjoyed having her own ensuite room, complete with a TV/radio. She has been seen by several different therapists, and received good care from the medical and nursing staff. She has had several showers (the first since mid-December!), spent periods of time sitting out in a chair, and has attended an upper limb therapy session. A couple a days ago, Liz Morgan (beautician) came in and gave Sarah a facial. She positively glowed after that! Today, she was proud to show off the strength and movement that she is regaining in her left arm and leg. So much so, that there and then the physio promoted her from hoist to Ross ReTurn (aka ‘sack barrow’!) for her transfers from bed to chair. Plus, she now has the use of a chair in which she can (finally!) be taken outside. I’m longing for her to feel the breeze on her face and to see some Spring flowers!

In writing so hopefully, I am acutely aware that not every crisis works out as positively as this one has been working out. There will be those reading this whose loved one did not recover, or where recovery has been marked by severe physical or mental disability, or where the expectation is of a worsening, not an improving, condition. There will be those who feel badly let down by someone they thought they could trust. There will be those carrying a burden of guilt or resentment that they feel unable to shake off. I don’t doubt that such experiences (and others like them, too many to mention) constitute the biggest obstacle to faith in a loving God. Recently I have been thinking of an old song. One verse goes like this:

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn’t do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about, God in his mercy
Oh, if he really does exist
Why did he desert me
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

(Gilbert O’Sullivan)

Feeling deserted by God? I don’t have anything like a complete answer to this. But what I can say is that Jesus understands. Illegally tried, mocked, tortured, and hung up to die, he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” But the Easter story tells us that this was not the end. Suffering and death did not have the final say. Love and life did.

God bless you.

*****

Tuesday, 29th March

Dear friends, Sarah and I warmly invite you to a service of thanksgiving, to be held at Holy Trinity Church, Norwich, at 2pm on Saturday 8th July. To be followed by light refreshments.

We still don’t know how complete Sarah’s recovery will be. But we have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, both human and divine, during the past challenging months. Whether you are an old friend or new, a person of faith or not, we very much hope that you will be able to join us in celebration.

Sarah’s one reservation has been, “Do you think anyone will come?” It would be a great encouragement to us if you were to express an interest in joining us on that day by a ‘thumbs-up’ or equivalent.

Love from Sarah and Jonathan

*****

Friday, 24th March

Dear friends, Sarah’s move to Beech Stroke Rehabilitation Ward at the Norwich Community Hospital has finally happened! She was packed off this afternoon, and is now settled in an en suite room with her own TV! (She has been refamiliarising herself with old favourites such as ‘Pointless’ and ‘The One Show’!)

So, a new chapter opens in our story. We are eager to learn, over the next few weeks, what degree of independence she will be able to achieve. We know that there is a lot of hard work ahead. But Sarah has the motivation and determination to make the very best recovery possible. And we feel confident that she is in the right place to enable that to happen.

It is, of course, helpful to have some realistic goals to aim for. At the moment, Sarah would love to be able to have a shower, walk at least a few steps, carry out her own self-care activities, take part in our granddaughter’s birthday celebrations at the beginning of June, and enjoy a caravan holiday (already booked, before all this happened) at West Runton in August. And, as I have mentioned before, we very much look forward to inviting our family and friends to a service of thanksgiving (date yet to be confirmed).

Mixed in with all of this would be a joyful return to her/our own home. And I need Sarah home, because, although I can manage most domestic tasks reasonably well, I need her to tell me when to put the bins out!

Love from Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Tuesday, 21st March

Dear friends, Sarah still hasn’t made her long-awaited move to the rehab ward. But we have been working hard to make her present situation more enjoyable (e.g by ensuring that she is allowed to eat what she likes) and more purposeful (e.g. by looking for opportunities to get her up and moving).

The dear lady herself is in remarkably good spirits, under the circumstances. She doesn’t talk a lot about the Christian faith we share (she usually leaves that to me!) But she did say to me, a couple of days ago, “I’m sure God has a plan in all this.” That, you will agree, is an amazing testimony, considering what she has been, and continues to go, through. (James 1:2-3 comes to mind)

Sarah particularly wanted me to thank all those who have supported us with cards, messages, gifts, visits and regular approaches to the ‘throne of grace’ on our behalf.

Love from Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Saturday 18th March

Three calendar months since Sarah was admitted to hospital!

Dear friends, Sarah has been in pretty good spirits over the past couple of days. Strength is slowly returning to the left side of her body, but just how complete that part of her recovery will be, it’s too early to say. She is, of course, very eager to move from the acute ward to the rehab ward. And she is nearly ready to do so. There is just the matter of her postural hypotension (tendency for her blood pressure to drop when moving from a horizontal to a vertical position) to deal with before that can happen. But that seems to be settling down. So…sometime next week…we hope!

Today, for the first time in a long time, I saw Sarah laugh her head off, as she described how, when she found that her call button was out of reach, she used a banana to haul it in!

Tomorrow will be Mothering Sunday (to use the old-fashioned title that our own mothers favoured). No doubt our children and grandchildren will mark it in their own way. But I would just like to say that Sarah has been, and continues to be, the most amazing mother and grandma that you could imagine. There was a time when, it seemed, she might not see her grandchildren grow up, nor they benefit from her extraordinary kindness and affection. But now, thank God, we are hopeful that she can continue that role, although perhaps not quite in all the ways that we had expected.

I leave you with some words of a hymn that we often used to sing on Mothering Sunday:

For the beauty of the earth,
For the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our brith
Over and around us lies,

Gracious God, to thee we raise
This our sacrifice of praise.

For the beauty of each hour
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon and stars of light:

For the joy of ear and eye,
For the heart and mind’s delight,
For the mystic harmony
Linking sense to sound and sight:

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild:

For each perfect gift of thine
To our race so freely given,
Graces human and divine,
Flowers of earth and buds of heaven:

(F.S. Pierpoint)

*****

Thursday 16th March

Dear friends, I’m pleased to be able to tell you that Sarah’s long wait to move to the stroke rehab ward at Norwich Community Hospital is nearly over! There is, we have been told, just one person ahead of her in the waiting list. The transition, when it comes, may not be entirely straightforward: Sarah tends to become anxious when confronted with an unfamiliar environment. But with your loving support and prayers, I’m sure she will soon settle and start making real headway.

There was a time when we didn’t know if Sarah would ever be able to speak, eat, or breathe independently. But, even with the disappointing setback that she experienced two weeks ago, she can do all of these things, and much more. I don’t know how she will get on learning to walk again, but I would love to be able to report back to you that she has taken her first steps.

Today, she has entertained one or two visitors, had a video chat with two of our grandchildren, sat out in a chair for well over an hour, watched a bit of TV, eaten well, and finally got rid of the last of the many tubes that had been stuck into her (the PICC line).

Let’s turn the page, and look forward to the next chapter!

I leave you, for the time being, with the thought that ‘no matter how deep the pit, God is deeper still’:

‘In 1944, Corrie ten Boom was taken with her family to Ravensbruck concentration camp. They had been found hiding Jews in their home in Haarlem in Holland. Most of her family died very quickly, but she and her sister Betsie survived longer. Eventually, though, Betsie was to die after being brutalised and cruelly treated. Before she died, she said to Corrie, ‘If ever you get out of this place, go and tell the world that no matter how deep the pit, God is deeper still.’ For forty years that is exactly what Corrie did. Her autobiography, ‘The Hiding Place’, honestly recalls how God met with her and blessed her in the traumas of Ravensbruck. This by no way means that Christians can gloss over such terrors and dismiss the injustice of them, simply because somebody had a spiritual experience; nevertheless, God is able to take the worst situations here on earth and bring out of them something good and beautiful.’

(Roger Carswell, ‘Where Is God In A Messed up World?’)

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Wednesday 15th March

Dear friends, I would ordinarily be doing an update on Sarah’s progress this evening. However, there’s not much to report, apart from a gradual improvement in her overall condition and a lot of waiting for rehab to get going with real intent. I’ll get back to you when I have a bit more news to share.

God bless you.

*****

Monday 13th March

Dear friends, the past couple of days have been fairly quiet for Sarah. A bit too quiet for her liking, for she is eager to make the promised move from the acute hospital to the rehab ward at Norwich Community Hospital. And then, home! Oh, how we long for her to be back home, in her familiar environment, surrounded by the family and friends she loves so much!

Our thanks go to those who have kindly sent information or pictures about garden rooms. We have been looking through these together, and beginning to formulate a plan of what might work for us.

Way back in December, within a day or two of Sarah’s being admitted to ITU, I was asked to jot down a few biographical details about her. In describing her personality, I wrote that her friends would describe her as ‘cheerful, friendly, sociable, loyal, kind, generous, thoughtful, loving, caring, and uncomplicated’. Her body may have taken quite a battering over the past three months (although her physical recovery, though not without its complications, has been nothing short of remarkable), but she is still the same old Sarah, and for that we are profoundly thankful.

Speaking of thankfulness, we are still hoping that as many friends as possible will be able to join us, before too long, for a time of thanksgiving for her recovery. She is pretty clear which hymns and songs she would like to be included. Here is one of them:

Christ be in my waking,
As the sun is rising,
In my day of working,
With me every hour.
Christ be in my resting,
As the day is ending,
Calming and refreshing,
Watching through the night.

Christ be in my thinking,
And my understanding,
Guarding me from evil,
Walking in the light.
Christ be in my speaking,
Every word a blessing,
Pure and not deceiving,
Grace to all who hear.

Jesus, this is my devotion:
All my life to know you,
Every day to walk with you.
Saviour, you’re my deepest longing,
You’re the One I live for,
Teach me, Lord, to walk with you.

Christ be in my gladness
For the joy of living,
Thankful for the goodness
Of the Father’s hand.
Christ be in my sorrow,
In my day of darkness,
Knowing that I follow
In the steps he trod.

Christ when hope has faded,
Nothing left to cling to,
Every pleasure jaded,
Every well is dry.
Christ the loving Shepherd
Draws me with his kindness,
Leads me from the desert
To the streams of life.

(Stuart Townend & Simon Brading)

As Sarah says, that covers just about every phase of life!

*****

Saturday, 11th March

Dear friends, it is 85 days since Sarah was admitted to hospital with ‘flu, pneumonia and sepsis. During that time, she has had at least three brushes with death, endured discomfort, indignity and frustration, and had long periods when she was unable to eat, talk, or change her own position in bed. Just over a week ago, she suffered a further setback on her road to recovery.

But, thanks be to God, Sarah battles on with fortitude, cheerfulness, and just the right amount of impatience. I am so proud to call her my wife.

She has really enjoyed being able to welcome a few more visitors over the past few days. She is masterminding practical things like grandchildren’s hair cuts and forthcoming birthdays. She has a healthy appetite and is exercising assiduously. She likes to show off the improved movement in her left leg, and her less crooked smile! We pray that her journey forward will be without further serious mishap.

These bulletins are being sent to over 100 friends. (Sarah wonders if there should be a prize for the 100th person!).

God bless you.

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Thursday, 9th March

Dear friends, over the past couple of days Sarah has made steady progress on what we might call her ‘re-recovery’. Her medical condition is stable, she is eating and drinking well, had a good work-out with the physios in the gym yesterday and some hand therapy with the OT today. She exercises her body as best she can while she is in bed, and movement and strength are slowly returning to her left side. Her voice is a little stronger, and her smile less crooked! Best of all, her spirit is bright, and she is enjoying keeping in touch with the outside world via her visitors (though we still have to be careful not to tire her) and her radio.

When I think of all that we have been through so far with Sarah, our hopefulness may feel a little precarious (“It’s not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand!” – John Cleese, in ‘Clockwise’). But with the help of your thoughtful messages, practical help, and fervent prayers, we continue our journey with hope in our hearts. ‘And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.’ (Romans 5:5)

When Sarah finally returns home, our lives will be different in a number of ways. To be sure, we will value the simple things much more. But, as you know, one thing she has set her heart on is a garden room. If any of you has any thoughts, suggestions, ideas, photos etc. that would give us some ideas, then all contributions would be gratefully received.

God bless you.

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Tuesday, 7th March

Dear friends, as you probably realise, these past few days have been among the most difficult on our journey with Sarah so far. I have cried out with words that we find quite often in the Psalms: “Why?” and “How long, O Lord?” But tonight I can share some encouraging news with you. In the words of our dear, brave Sarah: “We had been derailed…but now we’re back on track!”

Her medical condition has stabilised to the extent that her blood pressure no longer requires close monitoring. So she has been ‘promoted’ back to the less acute stroke ward (Ingham Ward). And the plan remains for her to move on to stroke rehab at Norwich Community Hospital (only there will be more work to do there to get her back on her feet, following her recent setback). Strength and movement are beginning to return to her left arm and hand, and also (to a lesser extent) to her left leg.

Regarding activity generally, including seeing visitors, we have to strike a balance between boredom and fatigue. Thankyou for your understanding with that. Thankyou, too, to all those who sent in messages of various kinds since my ‘appeal’ yesterday evening. They have been welcome reminders of her many friends. Since she is still unable to manage her phone, I have acquired a simple radio for her, and this will help to keep her entertained and in touch with the outside world.

So, we’re back to our customary watchword: ‘Onwards and upwards!’.

With thanks, as always, for your love, concern, support and prayers.

God bless you.

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Monday, 6th March

Dear friends, when I asked Sarah what she would like me to tell you in this evening’s message, she asked me to say that she is “disappointed, but starting to make some steps forward again.” The reason for the disappointment is obvious, and I don’t need to dwell on how difficult these past few days have been, emotionally, for Sarah and those closest to her. But encouraging steps there have been: her medical condition is becoming more stable, she is eating and drinking quite well, and today (for the first time in what seems like ages) she spend an hour out of bed in a chair. The plan is for her too move back to a less acute (and less noisy!) ward, and then resume her journey towards the rehab unit at the Norwich Community Hospital.

Earlier today she had another long (and tiring) assessment of her mental abilities. As far as I can tell, these have been unaffected by her recent stroke. Although prone to fatigue, her mind is sharp, her memory astounding, and her interest in people unabated. With this last-mentioned in mind, and especially while we have to restrict the number of visitors again, she would love to receive greetings either in the form of WhatsApp messages or recorded audios and videos. As you know, she thrives on human contact.

The human spirit reaches out for something (or someone) beyond itself and beyond what the best of human relationships can offer. I have been thinking about some words uttered by journalist, novelist and avowed atheist Marghanita Laski: “What I envy most about you Christians is your forgiveness; I have nobody to forgive me.” She might have added, “…or to give thanks to; or to cry out to when in distress.”

God bless you.

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Saturday, 4th March

Dear friends, many of you will be anxious to know how Sarah is after her recent setback. There have been no more alarms from a medical point of view, and treatment is under way to ensure it stays that way.

She is very disappointed that this has happened after all the good progress she has been making. I’ve tried to help her to understand that hers is an improving situation, and the little movements she is already able to do on her left (affected) side are an encouraging sign of things to come.

Her immediate concern is for a restful night, and I ask for your prayers for that. Also for her to regain her customary cheerfulness and positivity. I hate to see her ‘down’.

(Thanks, Liz, for pointing to the words of an old hymn:)

When morning gilds the skies,
My heart awaking cries:
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Alike at work and prayer
To Jesus I repair:
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Does sadness fill my mind?
A solace here I find,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Or fades my earthly bliss?
My comfort still is this,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

When sleep her balm denies,
My silent spirit sighs,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
The night becomes as day,
When from the heart we say,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Be this, while life is mine,
My canticle divine,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Be this th’ eternal song
Through all the ages long,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

God bless you

*****

Friday, 3rd March

Dear friends, Sarah’s journey continues to present unexpected twists and turns. Last night, I’m sorry to have to tell you, she developed slurred speech and a loss of movement down the left side of her body. A CT scan later today confirmed that there had been some bleeding into her brain. She is now back on the acute stroke unit (Heydon Ward), and is being monitored carefully and receiving the appropriate treatment.

The dear lady is, of course, ‘frustrated’ (her word), bearing in mind the excellent progress she had been making in recent weeks. She had been so looking forward to moving on to the stroke rehab ward at Norwich Community Hospital. She does retain all her mental faculties (including her sense of humour, and her concern for others), and still has good use of the right side of her body. Her speech is intelligible, and she can eat and drink without too much difficulty.

Once again, we have to watch and wait to see how she recovers from this setback. She is such a strong and brave person. Please pray that our Saviour would watch over her tonight and over the coming days, and strengthen us all for whatever lies ahead.

She has asked me to bring her phone home with me, as she finds it too difficult to manage at the moment. I have shared with her all the messages that have come in today. For the time being, if you would like to send her a message, then I suggest that you do so in response to this bulletin (bearing in mind that your reply will come only to me, but I will gladly share it with Sarah at the next opportunity).

I thank God that we do not tread a path that others – including our Saviour himself – have not trod before us. We do not lose heart.

‘We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.’ (2 Corinthians 4:8,9,16-18)

God bless you.

*****

Wednesday, 1st March

Dear friends, Sarah has been told that a move to the stroke rehab ward at Norwich Community Hospital is getting quite close! It might just be a matter of days, but we shall have to see.

Meanwhile, the time on her present ward has not been wasted. She has developed a healthy appetite, kept her mind active, and made good progress with her fine and gross motor skills. She is able to receive and enjoy messages on WhatsApp, but she still finds typing difficult, so replies are mainly limited to emojis. (She has made headway with other important skills, too, but it would be indelicate of me to be more specific!)

As you know, getting her back on her feet has been delayed somewhat by several fainting episodes. But the underlying cause (probably a drop in blood pressure precipitated by prolonged bed rest) is now being treated, and the process of gradually mobilising her has been resumed.

The aim of rehab will be to restore Sarah as nearly as possible to her former level of activity and independence. I really don’t know how complete that restoration will be. At the moment, I can’t detect any obvious limits, apart from the likelihood that she will be prone to fatigue for the foreseeable future. But we are in a much happier place than we were when we didn’t know if she would ever be able to talk, use her hands, or walk again.

Sarah’s brush with death prompts me to urge you: don’t leave it too late to tell your dear friend, your parent or your child, or your spouse, whatever it is that you need to tell them. Thomas Carlyle and Jane Welsh were married for 40 years, and fell into some of the bad habits to which many of us are prone: he was neglectful and insensitive, she waspish and critical. It was only after her sudden death that he wrote in his diary what has been described as ‘the saddest sentence in English literature’: “O that I had you yet for five minutes by my side, that I might tell you all.”

God bless you.

*****

Monday, 27th February

Dear friends, Sarah continues to make steady progress in a number of different areas. Considering the current limitations on her independence, she is in good spirits. She is eating and drinking well, exercising her body, and also exercising her mind by looking at the newspaper, doing puzzles, reading messages, watching TV and seeing family and friends. Regarding the last-mentioned, she feels ready to start seeing a few more people, and I shall start sending out some more invitations to visit her. Thankyou for your patience in this matter; you know that she loves seeing her friends, but, being liable to fatigue, she does need to conserve energy so that she can focus on her recovery.

Last week, as you know, she experienced several fainting episodes while being mobilised. The medical staff are investigating these, and we very much hope that it won’t be too long before this current period of enforced bed-rest is over and the process of mobilising can be resumed.

We are extremely grateful to those members of the family and others who have stepped in to provide extra care for Sarah during my enforced ‘exile’ from her due to Covid. Although my symptoms have improved, I’m still testing positive. But I hope I shall be clear within the next few days.

These updates are being sent to over 90 recipients (many of whom are, I know, forwarding them on to yet others). For those who are new to the idea of a WhatsApp ‘broadcast’, let me just point out two important features: firstly, that recipients do not see one another’s contact details; and, secondly, that any replies come only to me (although, of course, I do share them with Sarah as the opportunity arises). And let me remind you, too, that a full archive of these messages, telling the entire story of her illness and recovery to date, can be found on my web site (and what a journey it’s been!).

God bless you.

*****

Friday, 24th February

Dear friends, a quick update. Having visited Sarah every day except one since 18th December, I am now prevented from doing so, because I have Covid! I am so thankful for our wonderful family, who have rallied round to make sure that Sarah gets the all-important personal encouragement and support. She thrives on social contact, as you well know. We’ve had a couple of video chats, and that’s a reasonable compromise until we can see each other in a few days’ time.

She now has her phone. So if you feel inclined to send her a greeting on WhatsApp, she will probably see it and appreciate it. However, please don’t expect a reply, since her keyboard skills are still quite limited. If you see a pair of blue ticks at the bottom of your message, you will know that she has seen it.

We hope and pray that she will be protected from the Covid virus, that the medical and therapy team will be able to minimise the risk of more fainting episodes, and that a place on Beech Ward at the Community Hospital will soon become available.

People say: “There’s always someone worse off than yourself.” It’s an ugly cliché, but not untrue. Let’s remember those whose health is deteriorating, and not improving; who do not have loving families and circles of friends to support them; who lack hope both for this life and for the life to come.

In other words, let us ‘rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.’ (Romans 12:15 – thankyou L-R, for reminding me of this verse).

*****

Thursday 23rd February

Dear friends, as is often the case, the story of Sarah’s journey is one of ‘two steps forward, one step back’. There continue to be daily improvements with Sarah’s strength, movement and co-ordination. For the first time, I have felt able to leave her with her mobile phone (complete with new battery, new case and enlarged keyboard) and we have just exchanged ‘good-night’ messages. Typing messages is quite an effort for her, but she’s regaining these kinds of skills all the time. Yesterday, she was practicing writing her own name.

Sarah had every intention of sending you a video message this evening. However, there was another ‘episode’ that occurred when she was mobilising from bed to chair. This happened on the ward, and a doctor (among others) was quickly on the scene to assess what was going on. It seems that these episodes (this was the third one this week) are very probably simple fainting attacks. Sarah, was, naturally, quite alarmed and ‘wiped out’ for a while afterwards. But now that we know what is causing these ‘turns’, various preventative measures can be put in place. I’m pleased to say that she was brighter in mood towards the end of my time with her. (Sarah says, “Definitely brighter!”)

I need to tell you that Sarah has a previous diagnosis of mild Type 2 diabetes, and this is now under investigation. So, for the time being, she is on a diabetic diet. So we will have to put all those tempting gifts of chocolate that friends have donated in storage, hoping it won’t be long before she can resume the normal diet (sweet treats and all) that she enjoyed before her illness. For the same reason, we also have to decline those kind offers of cake for the time being. Yet more things to look forward to in Sarah’s brave new world!

I thought I would close with a few reminders of Sarah’s characteristic humour.

*Having had a speaking valve inserted into her tracheostomy tube, Sarah was asked by a doctor to say her favourite word. Without hesitation: “Chocolate!”

*In order to get her ready to have her tracheostomy tube removed, Sarah needed to practice her swallowing. We brought in a picture of swallows (the birds) to remind her. Several times, I saw her mouthing the word, with a sly look on her face: “Swallow!!”

*While still unable to speak aloud Sarah managed to turn the conversation to the subject of a new conservatory. Reflecting on her current plight, she said to me: “The things you have to do to get a conservatory!” And then, knowing that I’d let this slip out into the wider world, she proclaimed, “I’ve got witnesses!” (By the way, the request has been upgraded to a garden room!).

*In one of her darker moods (she doesn’t have many of them) I said to her that I would readily bear half the discomfort and frustration that she was experiencing. “Only half?” replies Sarah.

*If you find yourself visiting Sarah, ask us to show you the “Too many milk” video. (It concerns one of our beautiful grandchildren). Absolutely hilarious, and a wonderful tonic for us all.

*The Occupational Therapist was doing a quick assessment of of Sarah’s mental ability:

“Can you tell me what year it is?”

“2022.”

“Well, actually, it’s 2023.”

The next day the same question cropped up in the middle of a more formal assessment by the OT:

“Can you tell me what year it is?”

“It’s 2023 – you’re not catching me out again!”

(BTW, it’s no wonder that Sarah was not clear, at first, about what year it was.  She had completely slept through Christmas, our son’s birthday on New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day itself!)

God bless,

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Tuesday 21st February

Dear friends, I’m pleased to report that Sarah’s direction is generally ‘onwards and upwards’.

But hasn’t all been plain sailing (surprise, surprise!). Yesterday, and again today, she had a bit of a ‘turn’ while being mobilised by the physios. The most likely explanation is that these are related the brain injury that happened when she was most acutely ill. She has been prescribed some medication, and I feel confident that she can progress with her mobilising without more setbacks of this kind.

In other respects, her movements (both gross and fine) continue to improve day by day. New today: experimenting with messaging on her phone; and reading a newspaper and doing some of the puzzles therein.

After a difficult start (on Saturday), she has settled into her new ward environment and has been cared for by some lovely HCAs. I’m going in to support and encourage her at mealtimes, and her sister Isabel will help with this too.

Sarah would particularly like me to thank you for the many messages and cards she has received. We haven’t been able to acknowledge them all individually, but we are looking at them together on a regular basis, and she is truly appreciative.

Thankyou also for your understanding as we have felt the need to cut back on the numbers of visitors for the time being. But today she has been able to welcome a particularly close friend who had not had the opportunity to see her before now. Keep those messages and videos coming, please!

I have been aware (and several people have noticed) that I have been quite tearful and also quite talkative during the time of Sarah’s illness. I’m not usually either of those things!  I look back over the most difficult of these past 67 days (Sarah got me to count them earlier today!) and I realise that although I have been tearful at times, I have not been in despair. Love, human and divine, has given me strength. (By the way, ‘Love divine, all loves excelling’ is the first line of Sarah’s favourite hymn).  And I have wanted to talk about all the things I’ve been learning (again, both human and divine). ‘Come and hear, all ye that fear God, And I will declare what he hath done for my soul.’ (Psalm 66:16)

God bless you.

*****

Sunday, 19th February

Dear friends, this is a message from Sarah herself: “Having slept well last night, and an amazing HCA looking after me this morning, Jonathan came in later to encourage me with my lunch. Things are looking much brighter now. It’s still frustrating to think about all the things I still can’t do, and I can’t wait to move to Beech Ward at the NCH. I have physio in the gym tomorrow, so that should be fun – and a challenge! Thankyou for all your messages and well- wishes. Love from Sarah”

*****

Saturday, 18th February

Dear friends, Sarah has cut a bit of a dejected figure today. Never one to find transitions easy, she has been moved twice over the past couple of days. (She is now on Ingham ward – level 2, centre block). From the well-resourced environment of the Critical Care Complex, she is now experiencing the realities of a ‘normal’ ward in today’s overstretched NHS.

We have talked to her about how wonderful her recovery has been so far, and how much she has to look forward to. I’m pleased to say that I left her in a slightly better frame of mind when my visit finished at 8pm.

It was always going to be the case that she would tire easily in these early days of recovery. And, as much as she loves seeing her many wonderful friends, she can see that we need to space the visits out a bit more. In any case, visiting times on Ingham Ward are limited to 2-4pm and 6-8pm. I’ve tried very hard to fit in all your kind offers to visit Sarah, but I’m sure you will understand if we have to trim these down a bit for the time being.

Sarah is very much looking forward to moving on to the Norwich Community Hospital and to full-on rehab. We hope and pray that she will not be kept waiting for too long.

It is timely, I think, to recall these beautiful lines:

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
“Come unto me and rest;
lay down, O weary one,
lay down your head upon my breast.”
I came to Jesus as I was,
so weary, worn, and sad;
I found in him a resting place,
and he has made me glad.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
“Behold, I freely give
the living water, thirsty one;
stoop down and drink and live.”
I came to Jesus, and I drank
of that life-giving stream;
my thirst was quenched, my soul revived,
and now I live in him.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
“I am this dark world’s light.
Look unto me; your morn shall rise
and all your day be bright.”
I looked to Jesus, and I found
in him my star, my sun;
and in that light of life I’ll walk
till trav’ling days are done.

(Horatius Bonar)

God bless you

*****

Thursday, 16th February

Dear friends, we have reached day 61 of Sarah’s journey.

We continue to confirm that her mind is A1 (or very nearly so), that her personality is intact, and that her mood is cheerful and positive. She is able to stand for short periods with support. She is not far away from taking her first few steps with a frame. She no longer has a naso-gastric tube, and can eat and drink what she likes. With her hands I have seen her feed herself, peel a satsuma, and write legibly. After I have replaced the dud battery in her phone I expect her to be able to start sending a few messages herself.

At 6pm today she was finally moved out of Critical Care into a normal ward environment. From there she is expected to move to a stroke rehabilitation ward at a different hospital, as soon as a vacancy occurs.

I have not previously, in these bulletins, used the word ‘stroke’ to describe Sarah’s neurological condition, because I thought it might, in her case, give a misleading impression. But the fact is that, in the most acute phase of her illness, some small areas of her brain were injured, and that is why the emphasis is now on appropriate rehabilitation. The therapists are intent on helping her get back as nearly as possible to her previous level of activity and independence. She is looking forward to coming home, and my guess that this might be possible in weeks, rather than months. When she does, we would love it if our wonderful family and amazing friends could join us for a time of thanksgiving and celebration.

Recent highlights for Sarah include receiving her facial from beautician Liz Morgan, and enjoying one of her first meals.

God bless you.

*****

Tuesday, 14th February

Dear friends, a quick update. Sarah was eager for you to know that she passed her swallowing test this morning with flying colours! So she can eat and drink what she likes (although a lot of things taste rather strange at the moment).

She has been working hard with the therapists, but has also had a relaxing and luxurious facial. I left her watching the Strictly final (at last!) with a drink in her hand (coffee frappe).

God bless you.

*****

Monday, 13th February

Dear friends,

I think we are approaching the time when Sarah will be able to communicate directly with you.

Until then, I hope you will accept one or two more musings from me.

Sarah continues to make excellent progress. She is now able to change her own position in bed (and therefore make herself more comfortable); drink water, coffee, hot chocolate and cordial (tomorrow, she will have another swallowing test, with a view to moving on to solid food); exhibit spot-on recall of recent visitors and events; converse freely and fluently; take a lively interest in her collection of ‘get-well’ cards (over 75 of them!); and so on.

In addition to all of this, we are seeing improvements each day in her fine movements (in her hands) and gross movements (as she practices, with support, transferring from bed to chair).

Not surprisingly, then, she has been pronounced ready to move out of the HDU environment and onto a more ‘normal’ ward where she can progress with her neuro rehab. This will happen as soon as a bed becomes available.

In recent days, I have been particularly struck by the return of Sarah’s customary cheerfulness and positivity. This contrasts with her mood of a couple of weeks ago, when at last she became fully awake. At that point she seemed to realise, for the first time, the enormity of her situation. She seemed to be in shock for the next two days (only two days, mind!). She asked me, more than once: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ And now we might ask another question, Why, in God’s good grace, is Sarah exhibiting such an ‘unexpected’ and ‘amazing’ recovery (to use the words of a doctor this afternoon) when others, who have been equally cared for and prayed for, have not got better? I find it helpful to reflect that what we get from our Lord, in response to such questions, is not an explanation, but an invitation: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

God bless you.

*****

Saturday, 11th February

Dear friends, no words to share with you this evening, just Sarah’s smile.

God bless you.

*****

Thursday, 9th February

Dear friends. Let me try to take stock of where we have reached on this journey we have been taking with Sarah.

Firstly, she is alive! This did not look at all a likely outcome at the beginning. Indeed, I would say that there have been three times when she knocked on heaven’s door, but on each occasion was gently but firmly turned away.

Secondly, she is awake! She first started opening her eyes on New Year’s Eve, and, as far as I can tell, became fully awake last Tuesday, 7th February.

Thirdly, she can talk! For quite a long period, while she was waking up, she made few attempts to speak or mouth words. But, especially now that she doesn’t have her tracheostomy, she can communicate freely and fluently. (And, by the way, today she had her first drink in over 7 weeks!)

Fourthly, Sarah is back! For a long while, we simply didn’t know what the effects of her brain injury might be. But now we know that her mind and personality (including her sense of humour and her love for people) are completely intact.

Fifthly, her kidneys work! At one stage, we were facing the possibility of her needing long-term renal support. But there are few, if any, concerns in that department.

Sixthly, the strength and co-ordination of her movements are getting better every day! This is where patience and hard work on her part, together with the expertise of the therapists, will be required over the coming months. Early next week, she will probably move to another ward, where she will have less intense nursing care but more intense therapy.

Some would say that this is all due to Sarah’s strength and courage, and to the skill and compassion of the doctors, therapists and nurses. Others would say that her recovery so far has been nothing short of miraculous. For my part, I’m not going to argue with either of these assessments (I’m a both/and sort of guy anyway). But I do echo the words of St Paul concerning the recovery from serious illness of a dear friend: ‘[She] was ill, and almost died. But God had mercy on [her], and not only on [her] but also on me, to spare me sorrow upon sorrow.’ (Philippians 2:27).

God bless you.

*****

Wednesday, 8th February

Dear friends, Sarah no longer has a tracheostomy! The tube was removed earlier today, mainly in response to the excellent overall progress she is making. Goodbye lip-reading and uncomfortable suctioning of secretions. Hello free speech and the prospect of starting to drink and eat again. One of Sarah’s comments: “Well, I can’t go back now, can I?”

I’ll probably send a slightly fuller message tomorrow (Thurs). But I was eager to share today’s news with you.

God bless you.

*****

Monday, 6th February

Dear friends, yesterday, Sarah had another trip outside. We could see from her expression that she thoroughly enjoyed it.

This morning she had a test of her swallowing ability. This was not only uncomfortable for her, but unfortunately showed that she’s still not quite ready to be weaned right off her tracheostomy.

Not surprisingly, Sarah was tired and rather fed up in the early part of the afternoon. We talked to her, as usual, about how far she’s come, and were able to offer her the prospect of one or two bits of ‘pamper therapy’ (hair trim and a facial).

Later on, she became more communicative, and with our daughter Rachel (a better lip-reader than I) we covered a number of different topics. I mentioned to her that, only a week ago, I couldn’t really contemplate her being able to live at home, but now I’m beginning to see how that might be possible. Somehow, she managed to steer the conversation to her long-held (30-year) wish for a conservatory. I took a deep breath, and promised her that if and when she was able to come back to Colman Rd then, yes, she could have her conservatory. The dear lady, obviously thinking of her current predicament, sighed: “The things you have to do to get a conservatory!” Priceless!

I wonder if you remember, perhaps from Sunday School days, the story of the three young men who were thrown into the fiery furnace (Daniel chapter 3)? They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, “Our God is able to rescue us from the fiery furnace, but even if he doesn’t, we will serve him, and not your false gods,”

I felt something similar when Sarah was so gravely ill, a few weeks ago: “My God is able to rescue her from this. But even if he doesn’t, I will still trust him with her, and my, life.”

God bless you

*****

Saturday, 4th February

Dear friends, Sarah has had another very encouraging couple of days. Earlier in the week, the physios tried to get her to a standing position using a rather hefty piece of equipment. She couldn’t do it. But yesterday, she did it (twice: the second time was for my benefit. I was so proud of her!)

Sarah’s mind has been brimming over with razor-sharp thoughts that she is desperate to communicate. These are, of course, mainly about the many people she knows and cares about. Just out of interest, I’ve quizzed her about the days leading up to her illness (retrograde amnesia, anyone?), and she seems to have lost the Friday and Saturday, but nothing else.

She has been reasonably comfortable for an hour or so at a time with her speaking valve (it’s still quite a novelty hearing her voice!). The secretions seem to be gradually improving, suggesting that the problem down in her lungs might be resolving itself. Her movement continues to improve, although she gets very uncomfortable stuck in one position. She continues to feel frustrated by all the things she would like to do but can’t. However, she is able to channel that in a positive way (if someone asks her to do something, will typically respond, “I’ll give it a try”, even if she knows it’s going to be uncomfortable).

Sarah has many exciting short-term goals to look forward to: being allowed a drink, getting rid of the tracheostomy, being able to speak freely, and so on. She’s getting there. An amazing lady!

Sarah is keenly interested in the messages so many of her friends have been sending in by card, video, WhatsApp message and so on. She is such a ‘people person’ – these give her great comfort and encouragement.

With heartfelt thanks to the One ‘who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think.’

God bless you.

*****

Thursday, 2nd February

Dear friends, it’s been quite an eventful couple of days. It’s clear, from a conversation one of the senior doctors yesterday, that there is an area in one of Sarah’s lungs that is proving difficult to manage. This is contributing to the troublesome secretions. They are reasonably confident that it will settle down, but they’re seeking advice from the respiratory specialists to see if they can help.

Today, Sarah had the speaking valve in her tracheostomy for over an hour, and conversed quite well with it. She was able to take quite an active part a bedside rehab meeting. She realises that, although she longs to come home, she’s not nearly ready for that. But, when I asked her to tell us what the next thing on her wish-list is, she replied: “Have something to drink!” This led to a conversation about the importance of practicing her swallowing, so that everything goes down the right way. So she practiced her swallowing, both there and then and throughout the afternoon. (Several times, I saw her with a knowing look in her eye, mouthing, “Swallow!”). The Clinical Psychologist was present at the rehab meeting, and he will look into how he can help her. After that, we took her out for another ride outside, which she really enjoyed, and said, “Thankyou everyone” at the end. Later on I played her some music though my headphones, and left her about to watch the Strictly final on the iPad.

Things have moved on over the past few days. I think that, just two days ago, she had woken up sufficiently to realise the enormity of what has happened to her. She was in the kind of shock that we were in six weeks ago, when it was all so very new. Today, I think she has started putting things into perspective: “I’ve been very ill. I’m not at all happy about the situation I find myself in. But I have lots of people rooting for me and helping me. With their help I’m determined to achieve the best recovery possible.” That’s my girl!

We exchanged “I love you” as I left. And I have had on my mind today a yet more wonderful love (warning – this is quite long!) –

1 My song is love unknown,
my Saviour’s love to me,
love to the loveless shown
that they might lovely be.
Oh, who am I,
that for my sake
my Lord should take
frail flesh and die?

2 He came from his blest throne
salvation to bestow,
but such disdain! So few
the longed-for Christ would know!
But oh, my friend,
my friend indeed,
who at my need
his life did spend!

3 Sometimes they crowd his way
and his sweet praises sing,
resounding all the day
hosannas to their King.
Then “Crucify!”
is all their breath,
and for his death
they thirst and cry.

4 Why? What has my Lord done?
What makes this rage and spite?
He made the lame to run,
he gave the blind their sight.
Sweet injuries!
Yet they at these
themselves displease
and ‘gainst him rise.

5 They rise and needs will have
my dear Lord made away.
A murderer they save,
the Prince of life they slay.
Yet cheerful he
to suff’ring goes
that he his foes
from death might free.

6 In life, no house, no home
my Lord on earth might have;
in death, no friendly tomb,
but what a stranger gave.
What may I say?
Heav’n was his home
but mine the tomb
wherein he lay.

7 Here might I stay and sing;
no story so divine,
never was love, dear King,
never was grief like thine.
This is my friend,
in whose sweet praise
I all my days
could gladly spend!

(Samuel Crossman)

*****

Tuesday, 31st January

Dear friends, we have reached a stage in Sarah’s journey which is simultaneously encouraging and distressing.

We are very encouraged by how active and alert her mind has become. Between naps, she has spent a lot of time mouthing words and sentences to us. It is becoming increasingly clear that not only is her core personality intact, but also that her long-term and short-term memories are working well. She showed real interest in hearing news about family and friends, and demonstrated concern about the challenges some of our friends are facing at the moment. There were some moments of humour, such as when she explained that she would be unavailable to help with the refreshment rota at church (for the time being)!

But the very fact that her mental condition has improved so much means that she is more aware of how ill she has been, how limited are the things she can do for herself, how tiresome the treatments, how monotonous her surroundings, and how far away she still is from the kind of recovery that she could be happy with.

Please remember that this is a lady who is not given to feeling sorry for herself. She has a legendary tolerance to pain. But, at the moment, she finds it difficult to sleep at night, because of the noise. Still unable to change her own position in bed, she easily becomes uncomfortable. She finds the tracheostomy and associated procedures difficult to tolerate. And there is the frustration of wanting to say something to your visitors, only to see them scratching their heads due to lack of lip-reading skills! The poor girl just wants to get better and come home!

Among her welcome visitors this afternoon was Rev Richard James, our minister. Richard read from Psalm 30, which includes the line: ‘Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.’

Please pray for Sarah and those of us who are closest to her, that the night of weeping may quickly give way to the morning of rejoicing.

God bless you.

*****

Sunday, 29th January

Dear friends,

‘Garbo talks!’ (Well, Sarah talks, and that’s just as newsworthy!). She has had a speaking valve attached to her tracheostomy from time to time over the past few days. And we have heard her voice again!

Exactly six weeks ago Sarah was admitted to A & E and about to be sedated and put on a ventilator. The last thing she said to me on that fateful day was, “I’m not very well!” (Bit of an understatement!)

And the first thing she said to me today, after her speaking valve was attached, was, “Hello, Jonathan!”

Both granddaughters (along with their parents) have visited Sarah over the weekend. They too heard her speak.

(Two days ago, the consultant asked her to say her favourite word. Without hesitation, she replied, “Chocolate!”)

Almost overnight, we have discovered not only that Sarah can speak, but also that the words she is speaking are appropriate, and her personality (including her sense of humour) seems to be intact. Great news!

At the moment, she finds the speaking valve very tiring and uncomfortable. But tomorrow the plan is to test her swallowing ability. If and when she can swallow safely and reliably then we can think about saying ‘goodbye’ to the tracheostomy. That would be another huge step!

We have often referred to this past six weeks as a ‘rollercoaster ride’. But I can testify that I have found God to be faithful in days of sorrow, as well as in these more hopeful times:

Oh love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in thee
I give thee back the life I owe
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

Oh light that followest all my way
I yield my flickering torch to thee
My heart restores its borrowed ray
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

Oh joy that seekest me through pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

Oh cross that liftest up my head
I dare not ask to fly from thee
I lay in dust’s life’s glory dead
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be

(George Matheson)

God bless you.

*****

Thursday, 26th January

Dear friends,

The big news today is that Sarah has moved from the Critical Care Complex to one of the wards (Gissing Ward) at the NNUH. This does not signal a change in the level of care needed – she is on one of the HDU beds on the ward, and looked after by the same clinical team as before. But it is a welcome change of environment, and at last she has a window to look out of!

Sarah continues to make progress in regard to wakefulness, alertness, and attention. She gives us a range of facial responses, and even a touch of humour! She waved ‘goodbye’ to me today as I left.

One of the Occupational Therapists carried out a neurological assessment yesterday. As a result, things are a bit clearer as to what kinds of things will help her to start using her limbs more purposefully.

The Speech and Language Therapists have started using a speaking valve with Sarah’s tracheostomy. Although she can’t tolerate this for long at the moment (because of the secretions we have mentioned before), she did say two of three words quite clearly; this is encouraging!

If I were to put a number to it, I would say that if ‘1’ is where Sarah was when she was most critically ill, and ’10’ is where we would like her to be, then she has perhaps reached number ‘3’ or ‘4’. Or, to borrow a famous saying from a very different context: ‘This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. It is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.’

Is the Christian faith a crutch for weak people? Yes! Absolutely! We sing: ‘I am weak, but thou art strong.’ The Lord says to me, as he once said to Saint Paul: “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

God bless you.

*****

Tuesday, 24th January

Dear friends, over the past few days we have seen Sarah make positive progress in a number of areas. Her kidney function is the best it has been since she first became ill. She is breathing more comfortably now (although not completely so). She doesn’t require any supplementary oxygen, only warmed and humidified air to control those bothersome secretions.

Mentally, she is becoming more and more wakeful and alert. She sat out of bed for at least five hours today, and showed something of her old interest in the comings and goings of people around her. For the first time, I was able to go through all her ‘get well’ cards with her, and she nodded and smiled frequently as I showed her the pictures and read her the messages. As I was leaving, we exchanged (for the first time in over five weeks) a little kiss on the lips.

The Occupational Therapist hopes to do a neurological assessment tomorrow (Wed) morning, and the Speech and Language Therapist a communication assessment (delayed from today) tomorrow afternoon. These assessments will, I think, help to inform decisions about where Sarah goes next and when her tracheostomy tube can be removed.

You will be expecting me to say, ‘This is all good progress, but there is a long and bumpy road ahead.’ And so there is. But please join me in thanks to God for his grace in leading us safely thus far. ‘We’ll praise him for all that is past, and trust him for all that’s to come.’

Our friend Diana visited on Sunday afternoon, and read Scripture, sang and prayed with us. She reminded us (from Psalm 23, the ‘Shepherd Psalm’) that even when God’s people walk through the darkest valley, they need fear no evil, because they can say: ‘thou art with me.’

A little girl went for a long walk with her grandad. They left the car, crossed a stream, passed through several fields, wandered through a wood, and finally came to a junction of footpaths.

“Where do we go now?” asked grandad.

“I don’t know” replied the little girl.

“Can you find your way back to the car from here?”

“No, grandad.”

“So you’re lost, then?”

“No, grandad, I’m not lost. I’m with you.”

*****

Saturday, 21st January

Dear friends, it has been a couple of days of roundabouts and swings for Sarah.

On the debit side, she has been struggling to breath comfortably because she has been producing a lot of *secretions. The poor girl must find this very tiring and frustrating. The medical team are investigating what might going on in her lungs that could explain this.

On the plus side, she continues to show a little bit more alertness with each passing day. Yesterday, the Speech and Language Therapist found that Sarah was able, when looking at photos of family members, to accurately identify (using nodding and shaking of her head) different people. She even clearly mouthed the name of one of our grandchildren. Lovely! Apparently, when the therapist asked: “Is it OK if I ring your husband?” Sarah smiled, nodded her head, and mouthed “Yes”! There is a plan to conduct a fuller assessment of Sarah’s communication ability on Tuesday afternoon.

Yesterday afternoon, Sarah enjoyed a hand and foot massage from her sister Isabel and today the nurse washed her hair. I’m sure she welcomed a bit a ‘therapeutic pampering’! Yesterday and today, instead of getting a ‘Bye’ from her when I left, we blew kisses to each other. I’ll take that!

Thankyou so much for the beautiful and thoughtful cards that have been coming in for Sarah. As she becomes more alert, I’m taking them in and showing them to her. They are very welcome reminders of the love and prayers of her many friends. She would want me to thank you, from the bottom of her heart.

Let us remember Sarah, and one another, in the words of an ancient blessing:

‘The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.’ (Numbers 6:35-26)

*I have mentioned previously how distressing Sarah found the process of aspirating these secretions.  The theory seemed to be that they were coming up from her damaged lungs.  This led to a delay in removing her tracheostomy tube – itself a cause of considerable discomfort.  When the tracheostomy was finally reversed, the secretions immediately dried up, and Sarah was left without so much as a slight cough!

*****

Thursday, 19th January

It seems, dear friends, that Sarah still has a few surprises up her sleeve.  Yesterday (Wed) was quite a sleepy day for her, although she did perk up from time to time in response to her lovely visitors.  She seemed very tired, and even when, towards the end of the afternoon, she was sat beside her bed and offered the final of ‘Strictly’ to watch, she didn’t seem particularly interested.

Later that evening I received a call from the hospital to say that Sarah had experienced two episodes of difficult breathing*.  (Our daughter) Rachel and I made our way there, and the consultant explained what had happened, and that Sarah was now stable, and we spent a few minutes with her.  She was in a deep sleep.  But we left worrying about whether such episodes might indicate a worsening of her general condition.  I remember saying to the consultant: “How much more can she take?”

So, imagine our surprise when our son David and I visited this afternoon (Thurs) and found her sitting out of bed, more awake and alert than we have seen her so far!  This is not to say that she was a particularly happy bunny.  She shows signs of being quite frustrated and fed up, although, as I’ve mentioned before, even this suggests that her mind is a bit clearer than it has been.

As for her general condition (lung and kidney function, for example), it seems a little better than it was, say 24 hours ago.

David and I were included in the weekly ‘rehab round’.  This reminded me that, notwithstanding the good news we have been able to report from time to time, there is a long way to go before we can even think about her speaking, walking, and using her hands again.  Oh, but I did get another mouthed ‘Bye’ and a smile from her when I left!

I’m coming to the conclusion that I love Sarah so much that I’d do almost anything for her.  I even put on a video of Michael Ball and Alfie Boe for her to watch and listen to!

More seriously, I am convinced that we can bless God (love and adore him) whatever the circumstances:

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

(Chris Tomlin)

God bless you.

*These were hypoxic episodes, which seemed at the time to be associated with some form of respiratory or cardiac arrest.  A few chest compressions were performed, and these proved successful in restoring her vital functions.  It later became more clear that the difficulty was not so much with the health of her heart and lungs, but ‘simply’ a mechanical blockage of the tracheostomy tube, caused by excessive secretions.  Thereafter, the staff aspirated the secretions on a regular basis and, even though that was extremely uncomfortable for Sarah, did prevent further acute episodes.

*****

Tuesday, 17th January

Dear friends, Sarah still seems, if not exactly cheerful, then happier than she was a couple of days ago. Her kidney function continues to improve, little by little, and she has had her longest stretch off the ventilator. I think she might be next in line for a move to a slightly more normal ward environment (and that long-awaited window to look out of!) when a vacancy arises.

We have seen Sarah perk up from time to time in response to her visitors. But my impression is that she is deeply fatigued, and that once this lifts we will start to see more physical and mental activity.

We have not seen her make many efforts to mouth words. But as I left this evening, she clearly said, “Bye” to me, and gave a lovely smile. That sent me home with a spring in my step!

Thankyou, once again, for your continued kind thoughts and prayers. What is our confidence in prayer? It is that Jesus, having been made a human being like ourselves, and having suffered and died, is now risen and ascended. He knows our needs, and understands our weaknesses. ‘Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.’ (Hebrews 4:14-16)

God bless you.

*****

Sunday, 15th January

Dear friends, it is four weeks since Sarah was admitted to ITU. During the first of those weeks, she was heavily sedated and on a ventilator, while the superb clinical team waited for her body to respond to intensive treatment. During the second week she was taken off the sedation and we waited to see if she would wake up. She eventually began opening her eyes on New Year’s Eve (our son David’s 40th birthday!). Since then she has made steady progress towards independent breathing, and her kidneys function is not far from where we would like it to be. She is absorbing good nutrition via her nasogastric tube. She sits beside her bed for several hours each day. She shows evident interest in her visitors. They are helping, I think, to lighten her mood somewhat. I hope it won’t be too long before she can move to a ward environment, where she can look out of the window and enjoy some natural light.

But there is long way to go.

I would like to thank you, once again, for your kind wishes and earnest prayers. Please remember our wider family, and also one another. I know that a number of you are facing challenges just as difficult, in their own way, as this one.

‘Through many dangers, toils and snares,
we have already come.
’tis grace hath brought us safe thus far,
and grace will lead us home.’

God bless you.

*****

Friday, 13th January

Dear friends, Sarah continues to take small steps forward. She spends several hours each day sitting beside her bed. The process of weaning her off her ventilator is almost complete. Her kidneys still a bit iffy.

I and today’s nurse independently surmised that Sarah is quite low in mood at the moment (who wouldn’t be, with everything she’s been going through!). But even that has a positive aspect to it, in that it suggests that she has quite a good awareness of what is going on. Anyway, the team organised for Sarah to be taken for a little trip outside, which she seemed to enjoy.

Having said all that, Sarah has been quite responsive to her visitors, and has treated us all to some lovely smiles.

Several people have been kind enough to ask me how I’m managing. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit sad over the past day or two. It has been hard to think about how active and cheerful Sarah was just a few weeks ago, and how difficult and uncertain the journey ahead will be.

I do feel strengthened by the love and prayers of so many friends, and appreciative of the wise counsel of some particularly close friends. But I also find it helpful to reflect that, for me, feelings follow faith (that is, trust in the wise and loving purposes of God), and faith follows the facts (that who Jesus is and what he has done are matters of eyewitness testimony, as Luke tells us at the beginning of his Gospel). Here is a rock on which I can stand.

God bless you.

*****

Wednesday, 11th January

Dear friends, I hadn’t intended to send an update today, but I am happy to report progress in several areas.

Sarah has been taken right off the blood filter, because her kidneys are holding their own without it.

Today, she had about 5 hours sitting beside her bed and was quite alert and responsive for much of that time.

The process of weaning her off her ventilator is progressing well.

All of this adds up to a decision to ‘promote’ her this evening from ITU to HDU. (This doesn’t make much difference to visiting arrangements, by the way: it just means that she will have moved to a different part of the same unit.)

So we’re getting closer to full-on neurological rehab, which, I feel sure, will have its own twists and turns. Will she be able to talk? Will she be able to use one or both hands? Will she be able to walk? Time will tell. All we know at the moment is that each day is bringing small but significant steps forward.

God bless you.

*****

Tuesday, 10th January

Dear friends, there is not much new to report today. Sarah sat beside her bed for a couple of hours this morning, and enjoyed a long and well-deserved rest this afternoon. So her visitors didn’t see too much interaction, although she did treat us to one or two smiles.

Other than that, the process of gradually weaning off her ventilator and nursing her kidneys back into action continues.

The clinical team are hopeful that, although her nervous system did suffer some damage during the most acute phase of her illness, she will be able to respond well to the long period of rehabilitation that lies ahead. She is a strong lady, and has so much to live for!

Because changes in Sarah’s condition and its treatment are not taking place so rapidly now, I propose to do these updates on alternate days for the time being. If something out of the ordinary happens, then of course I will let you know.

A wise Christian once observed that “trials drive us to the realities of our faith.” I have found this to be so for myself, over the past few weeks. Please, whatever trouble you may be facing right now, don’t let it drive you away from Christ, but rather drive you to him. There once was a time when many of Jesus’ disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You don’t want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:66-68)

God bless you.

*****

Monday, 9th January

Dear friends, Sarah continues to make steady progress, day by day. She is slowly being weaned off her ventilator. Her kidneys are showing further signs of recovery. She spent over two hours sitting beside her bed. When awake and alert, she showed interest in her visitors and her surroundings. (She loves ‘people-watching’!). She managed a few smiles. And, for the first time, we saw her mouth a few words (‘thankyou’ came across very clearly).

So the emphasis is less and less on intensive medical treatment, more and more on rehabilitation. And to think that this time last week…..

I feel deeply appreciative of the outpouring of love, human and divine that we have been experiencing.

‘Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard our cry for mercy.’ (Psalm 28:6)

*****

Sunday, 8th January

Dear friends, it is now three weeks since Sarah was admitted to ITU with ‘flu, a severe chest infection, and sepsis. Her very life was in the balance for much of this time. But, by God’s grace and the superb efforts of the clinical team, she has turned a corner and has begun the long, difficult journey towards some level of recovery.

Today, she has spent several hours without needing much help from her ventilator. Also, her kidney function continues to improve. Her visitors have not seen her at her most alert, but she is communicating well using head movements and facial expressions.

There is talk of her moving, before too long, to one of the wards and then onwards towards rehabilitation. But the short-term goal for tomorrow is for her to spend more time sitting out of bed.

As I pass on this hopeful news, I am acutely aware that there will be those reading it whose hopes have been disappointed, whose prayers seem not to have been answered. All I can say is that, for myself, I have been learning to trust God in the dark. We live in a broken, hurting world. Jesus said to his friends: “In the world you will have trouble; but be of good cheer – I have overcome the world.” Or, to quote a hymn we sang in church this morning, those who walk with God have “strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.”

God bless you.

*****

Saturday, 7th January

Dear friends, the big news today is that, when we arrived, Sarah was sitting beside her bed, watching TV (‘Bargain Hunt’, to be precise!). She lasted over an hour in the chair, and was pretty alert and responsive all that time. By the time our two little granddaughters arrived, she was back in bed and quite sleepy. But the two girlies seemed happy to be there.

Other than that, Sarah’s condition continues to improve little by little. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, there is still a long way to go. It will take months for her strength to come back, and we don’t know what permanent physical or neurological challenges might remain. But the real Sarah is beginning to peep through. And for that we are profoundly grateful.

*****

Friday, 6th January

Dear friends, what can I say? Just a few days ago, there seemed to be just two possible outcomes for dear Sarah. One was that she would not survive. This would have been terribly sad for us all. But death for those who belong to Jesus Christ is not the end of the story. It is, rather, the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one. To quote a Bible verse that meant a lot to Sarah at the time her and Isabel’s mum died, ‘we know that when this tent we live in—our body here on earth—is torn down, God will have a house in heaven for us to live in, a home he himself has made, which will last for ever.’ (2 Corinthians 5:1).

But there was another prospect that seemed to be looming: that Sarah would survive, but without any recognizable quality of life; without, that is, the ability to recognize and appreciate her wonderful family and her amazing friends. This was harder for me to contemplate. It was this possibility that prompted me, last Monday evening, to commit to ‘walking beside’ Sarah, come what may.

But now a third, and much more joyful outcome is beginning to look possible: that Sarah might recover to the extent that she does not merely ‘survive’, but ‘thrives’.

Today, then, we have seen further steps down the road towards a measure of recovery. This morning, with the help of an army of therapists, she sat on the side of her bed. Her blood filter is working well to support her kidneys, and her kidneys themselves are beginning to work better. She is moving her limbs a little bit more. The Speech Therapists are looking at how they can begin to help her. Best of all, she is becoming more and more responsive to people. She has reacted to her visitors with clear interest and appreciation. Her face is becoming more expressive. Several times, we have seen her raise her eyebrows, or nod her head in agreement, and we have also glimpsed her lovely smile. This all came together when I said to her, “I love you very much. Do you love me?” She responded with a radiant smile, and a vigorous and prolonged nodding of her head. Beautiful!

Sarah has received another array of visitors today. Tomorrow, our two little granddaughters will visit again. It will do them, and her, a power of good.

God bless you.

*****

Thursday, 5th January

Dear friends, Sarah has made a little bit more progress today. We have seen her opening her eyes quite regularly, looking around and appearing to take an interest in the faces and voices of her several visitors. She’s been moving her body from time to time (mainly left side) and is beginning to respond occasionally to commands (eg ‘squeeze my hand’). She is making her own breathing efforts, though this is still supported via her tracheostomy. Her kidneys still need quite a lot of support.

The big adventure tomorrow is to try to get her sitting on the side of the bed. She’ll probably need a long rest after that!

I have to repeat that there is a long and uncertain journey ahead. But a corner has been turned, and it’s great to see Sarah reacting more day by day.

Once again, I would like to thank you for your love, concern and prayers at this time.

Some might say to me, “Jonathan, you seem to find your faith a great comfort at this difficult time.” And yes, I do. But my faith is not wishful thinking, or whistling in the dark. It is certainly not without its doubts and questions. But it is grounded, I am convinced, in the reality of what God has done for us in Jesus Christ, and in the new life that he now offers us in him.

God bless you, and thankyou again for accompanying Sarah and me along this road.

*****

Wednesday, 4th January

Dear friends, little by little, Sarah has become more wakeful over the past few days. So much so that she was becoming intolerant of the tube that was helping her breathe. So the doctors have performed a tracheotomy (not unusual in these circumstances) as a ‘halfway house’ towards independent breathing. Her kidneys are starting to work a little better too.

So, although there is a long and uncertain road ahead, it’s been an encouraging day.

Another recorded message was sent today (thanks Margaret G), and I played it to Sarah. Psalm 121 was quoted – ‘I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber…’

May Sarah know the Lord’s watchful presence with her this night and throughout the days ahead.

God bless.

*****

Tuesday, 3rd January

Dear friends, I thought that rollercoaster rides were supposed to be over in just a few minutes; but this one has been running two weeks and two days, and still no sign of coming to rest!

Sarah has been yet more reactive today. She has opened her eyes quite a lot, and sometimes seems aware of the faces and voices of the several visitors who have called in to see her. She became particularly animated when I played her a short recording that a dear friend sent via WhatsApp.

I and the other closest members of the family had a meeting this afternoon with one of the consultants. He was very kind, but also honest about how poorly Sarah still is. She may not pull through; and, if she does pull through, it is very difficult to say how thorough her recovery might be. So, we continue to wait, watch and pray (now, where have I heard those words before?!).

There is an extraordinary promise for God’s people in Romans 8 – ‘He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?’ (verse 32)

All things? Really? To be sure, not all things we might think we need, but all things God knows that we need, to equip us and strengthen us for the journey ahead.

God bless.

At our meeting with the consultant, he indicated that the neurology team had suggested waiting for another few days to see if Sarah showed further signs of waking up.  If she did, then they would perform a tracheotomy and attempt to wean her off her ventilator.  If she did not, then a palliative care route would be considered.  In the event, a tracheotomy was performed the very next day.

*****

Monday, 2nd January

Dear friends, we’ve seen quite a lot of response from Sarah today. Opening her eyes, seeming to look around, frowning when she feels a little uncomfortable. Of course, we don’t know how aware she is, but there are some hints that she is just beginning to wake up.

There has been a steady flow of visitors throughout the afternoon. I think the sound of familiar voices will have been comforting to Sarah.

Tomorrow I shall take a cd player in, so that she can listen to some of her favourite music.

I have mentioned several times in these updates the faith that Sarah and I share in the God who shows, in Jesus Christ, just how immense his love is for us, wayward as we are.

But now, as I sit in Sarah’s chair at home, I reflect on the love that we pledged to one another, over 45 years ago. And, whether the days remaining for us to be together are few or many, I repeat my pledge to her, in the words of a rather sentimental old song, popular in my parents’ day:

I’ll walk beside you through the world today,
While dreams and songs and flowers bless your way,
I’ll look into your eyes and hold your hand,
I’ll walk beside you through the golden land.

I’ll walk beside you through the world tonight,
Beneath the starry skies ablaze with light,
And in your heart love’s tender words I’ll hide.
I’ll walk beside you through the eventide.

I’ll walk beside you through the passing years,
Through days of cloud and sunshine, joy and tears,
And when the great call comes, the sunset gleams,
I’ll walk beside you to the land of dreams.

*****

Sunday, 1st January 2023

Dear friends, it is two weeks since Sarah was admitted to ITU and put on a ventilator. As you know, we have been waiting to see if she is able to wake up and breathe on her own. Today, she has been opening her eyes quite often. She has also, occasionally, been turning her head towards sound. These are small, but positive, signs. She certainly knows how to keep us guessing!

Sarah was visited this afternoon by Rev Richard James, our senior minister, and Elizabeth Scott, another of our lay ministers. Together, we had a simple service of readings, prayers, and anointing with oil. We are trusting our Heavenly Father to keep her safe, and to strengthen us for whatever lies ahead.

With every good wish for the coming year, from Sarah and me.

*****

Saturday, 31st December

Dear all, Sarah received visits from our two 5-year-old granddaughters, along with their parents, this morning. Once again, the little girlies (as Sarah calls them) seemed to find the experience really helpful.

This afternoon she was visited by several friends, from different walks of life, and each was able to spend precious time with her and share a few comforting words and loving touch of the forehead or hand.

After most of the visitors had left, we noticed that Sarah was opening her eyes at times and also attempting to have a little cough. These suggest that her level of unconsciousness is a bit less profound. Does this mean that she is beginning to wake up at last? It’s too early to say. But there is some real, if ever so slight, encouragement there.

Once again, I am deeply grateful for the love and prayers, not only for Sarah herself, but those others of us who are most directly involved. For myself, I can say, not that “I am being strong”, but rather that “I am being strengthened.”

A prayer for the New Year:

‘May God make your year a happy one!
Not by shielding us from all sorrow and pain,
But by strengthening us to bear it, when it comes;
Not by making our path easy, but by making us sturdy to travel it;
Not by taking hardships from us,
But by taking fear from our hearts;
Not by giving us unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping our faces bright, even in the shadowd;
Not by making our lives always pleasant,
But by showing us when people need us the most.
May God’s love, joy, peace and hope be us all throughout the year ahead.’

*****

Friday, 30th December

Dear all, I won’t beat about the bush – your dear friend Sarah remains very ill. She had an MRI scan today, and this told us a bit more about the ‘watershed infarcts’ that have occurred in her brain. The medical team plan for her to spend more time on her blood filtering machine in order to see if that will help her to wake up.

We continue to talk to her and hold her hand, and tell her of the love which so many have for her, though she’s still not able to give much response.

The plan is for our two little granddaughters to visit again tomorrow. If anything can perk her up, that will!

There is still a slender chance that she will pull through and enjoy a reasonable quality of life. But I am content, as she would be, to leave this in God’s hands, for:

‘I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ (Romans 8:38-39)

*****

Thursday, 29th December

Dear friends, just to recap: Sarah has been in ITU and on a ventilator since Sunday 18th December. This as a result of flu, severe chest infection and sepsis. She has not been under sedation for nearly three days now, but has not yet woken up. There is still the possibility that she might do so, but it is likely that the neurologists will look at her tomorrow to see if they can throw some light on the situation.

Among today’s visitors were our friends Rev James Pinto and his wife Anna. They read Psalm 23 with us and also prayed.

Of the many words we might use to describe Sarah, the one that comes most readily to mind is “friend” – she has been to so many of you a loyal, kind, generous, uncomplicated, thoughtful FRIEND. Today, among Sarah’s files I found the following lines, which reflect her spirit of friendship:

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity,
A place to call your own.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I’m finding
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who’s always there.

*****

Wednesday, 28th December

Dear friends, someone once sighed, “Give me patience! And give it to me now!!”

We are having to be very patient as the wonderful clinical team work out how to give our dear Sarah the very best chance of pulling through.

She has been off sedation for nearly two days now, but has not shown signs of waking up.  But it is simply not possible to say whether this delay is ‘normal’ under the circumstances, or due to the brain injury that we know she has suffered.. If she doesn’t wake up over the next couple of days, this latter possibility will be investigated more fully. But the doctors are satisfied that her lungs are recovering well, and are optimistic that her kidneys will start working again.

This ‘broadcast’ is going out to over 60 friends and well-wishers. Please remember one another in your thoughts and prayers. And please remember, too, those closest to Sarah who have juggle jobs, child care and a host of other things alongside the challenges posed by this particular situation.

I attach a photo of a favourite song of Sarah’s. The calligraphy was done by our good friend Richard Cockaday (organist at our church, Holy Trinity Norwich).

*****

Tuesday, 27th December

Dear friends, Sarah was taken off sedation yesterday evening. She hasn’t shown many signs of waking up yet (but then she always did like a bit of a lie-in!).

She remains on a ventilator, and the clinical team are considering performing a tracheotomy in order to support her as she tries to breathe for herself.

Otherwise, the dear girl continues to hold her own. But I have to stress that she is by no means out of the woods yet.

I have been especially struck today by how many people are affected by a situation like this. ‘Grief is the cost of commitment’ – if we didn’t care so much, we wouldn’t hurt so much.

Sarah and I share – as many of you do – a settled faith in a God who has given us so much to enjoy in this world (not least, one another), yet also has set eternity in our hearts. ‘If for this life only we have hope…’

Thankyou once again for your love, support and prayers

*****

Monday, 26th December

Dear all, the big news today is that the clinical team plan to lighten Sarah’s sedation and take her off the ventilator. This will happen over the next day or so. They need to see if she is able to breathe on her own. They also want to find out how the various parts of her body – including her nervous system – are functioning.

So, after a week of watching and waiting, the rollercoaster ride continues!

There is still a long way to go, and much uncertainty remains.

One of Sarah’s (and my) dear friends has just shared this:

‘So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ (Isaiah 41:10)

*****

Sunday, 25th December – Christmas Day

Hello all. I hope that you have had an enjoyable Christmas day, however you have been spending it.. My own day started early with Midnight Communion at our church – Holy Trinity Norwich. It was a real blessing. And I slept like a log when I got home.

A consultant spoke to me this evening about his ‘guarded optimism’ concerning Sarah’s condition. Her lungs are in slightly better shape, and the antibiotics have been doing a good job of clearing the infection. She’s on slightly lighter sedation. They’re beginning to prepare for the time when she might be taken off the ventilator. But there are some important bits of her body where we don’t know what the long-term damage might be. So we continue to watch, wait and pray.

A number of friends have been sharing Psalm 46, which begins, ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.’

God bless you, and thankyou for all your love and concern.

*****

Saturday, 24th December

Dear Sarah has had yet another fairly uneventful day. She remains deeply sedated and on a ventilator. I’m tempted to say that this is her most relaxing Christmas ever, but the reality is that her poor body is being put through the severest of tests.

So, uncertain of the outcome, we continue to watch and wait and pray. We cannot speak too highly of the care and skill of the ITU staff (some of whom had come under my influence as a nurse teacher, which explains a lot!).

I know that, if she was able, Sarah would at this very moment be sending last-minute Christmas greetings to many of you. Since she can’t, I would like to wish you a wonderful Christmas on behalf of both of us.

Emmanuel – God with us – changes everything.

Jonathan and Sarah

*****

Friday, 23rd December

Let me tell you about your dear friend Sarah. She has had another fairly quiet day. She remains seriously ill and on a ventilator in ITU. There have been a few more small improvements, but we will have to see what direction things take over the next couple of days. There is still some hope of recovery.

The family is gearing up for what will be a very strange Christmas. But the truth remains God has visited this mixed-up world in the form of a tiny, vulnerable baby. And just as Joseph and the shepherds were urged to ‘fear not’, so we can say: ‘When I am afraid, I will trust in you’ (Psalm 55:3).

Thankyou once again for your love and prayers.

*****

Thursday, 22nd December

Dear friends, Sarah has had a fairly uneventful day from a clinical point of view. Her condition remains serious but stable. In fact, there have been one or two little improvements. There was one area that was giving cause for concern yesterday, but we won’t know about any effects from that until she wakes up – and she’s not ready for that yet.

Both of our granddaughters have been able to visit over the past couple of days. The wonderful staff managed the visits beautifully, and the children reacted well.

The whole experience is a rollercoaster for us all, and we are so grateful for the outpouring of love, support and prayers we have received.

*****

Wednesday, 21st December

Morning

Good morning all, this is Jonathan Mason, Sarah’s husband. As many of you know, Sarah has been very poorly over the past few days. She is in ITU and on a respirator. However, she is holding her own, and there have even been some slight areas of improvement over the past 24 hours.

She has so many lovely friends rooting for her and praying for her that, rather than doing lots and lots of individual messaging, I plan to send a ’round robin’ update each evening for the next few days.
Thankyou once again for your love and prayers.

Evening

Dear friends, thankyou for all your loving concern. Generally speaking, Sarah is reasonably stable. But I am sorry to say that there are one or aspects of her condition that are giving real cause for concern*. The future is very uncertain at the moment. But, medically speaking, there is still some hope. We trust that our heavenly Father will guide us step by step through this difficult situation. Thankyou for all your prayerful support.

*We had been told, earlier in the day, that Sarah had suffered a number of ‘watershed infarcts’ in her brain.  These are a form of ‘stroke’, and it was impossible for the clinical team to say, at the time, how serious the long-term effects of these might be.

I should perhaps add that on the day that Sarah was admitted to ITU she was being cared for by two nurses and two consultants.  One of them spoke to me at the end of the day and told me that there were no more treatment options available.  It was now a question of waiting to see how she would respond.  He said that the mortality rate, under these circumstances, was around 80%.

*****