What follows is based on:

Jonathan Lamb, Essentially One: Striving for the Unity God Loves, Chapter 6 – ‘Living With Difference’

There will always be differences between Christians.

These may be:

• cultural, having to do with social class, background, education, income, manner of dress or lifestyle.
• historical, with tensions arising from past injuries, be they old family feuds, business failures, marriage break-ups or even hurtful remarks made many years earlier.
• doctrinal.
• individual, connected to differences of personality type and temperament.

Handled badly, these differences can spill over into resentment, conflict and breakdown of relationships.

Handled well, they can lead to positive growth and maturity.

Paul, in the later chapters of Romans, does not insist on total conformity.  Nor is he willing to compromise gospel priorities or tolerate serious moral failure.  But his teaching offers wise counsel about how we might learn to live with our differences.

There should be no quarreling over disputable matters (Rom 14:10).

Paul distinguishes between the ‘weak’ and the ‘strong’.  The weak objected to buying meat which had been left over from pagan sacrifices.  They were also anxious to follow certain traditions regarding the Sabbath.  They saw the ‘strong’, who didn’t share these scruples, as careless and unspiritual.  The strong thought that it didn’t matter where food came from, and they saw the weak as in bondage to tradition.  They themselves were the truly spiritual ones.

Five principles emerge:

Principle 1: solidarity – we are saved by the same Christ

‘Accept him whose faith is weak’ (Romans 14:1 NIV84);

‘Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you’ (15:7).

How can we reject a brother or sister who has been accepted by Christ (cf 14:15)?  How can we exclude those whom God has included?

Thus, we must be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace, Eph 4.  We belong to the same Father.  We have been redeemed by the same Christ  We are indwelt by the same Spirit.

Norman Doughty:

‘Shall we who are relying on the same Redeemer, begotten by the same God, inhabited by the same Spirit, incorporated in the same body, entrusted with the same gospel, assaulted by the same devil, hated by the same world, delivered from the same hell and destined for the same glory – shall we who have so much in common allow ourselves to be divided in heart or service because, just because we are of different minds on this secondary matter? God forbid.’

Principle 2: accountability – we are responsible to the same Judge

‘You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat’ (14:10).

In the light of this solemn reality, we should not hastily judge others, jumping to conclusions about their beliefs or behaviour.  We will all have to answer to God, not to one another.

Be careul about the use of humour.  The line between innocent playfulness and hurtful insensitivity is easily crossed.

It is important to have prayerful and thoughtful convictions, Rom 14:5.  But these should be humbly brought to the touchstone of Scripture Acts 17:11, and not clung to out of mere stubbornness or a need to be ‘right’.

Let us train our conscience, making sure that our behaviour matches our understanding of the truth, Rom 14:22f.

Principle 3: harmony – we belong to one another

In today’s individualistic world, it is important to remember that we are parts of a body, with a responsibility to work for the wellbeing of the whole.  We must balance our liberty with conern for those who might be harmed by our exercise of that liberty.

Each of us should please our neighbours for their good, to build them up. (Rom 15:2)

‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone’ (Rom 12:18).

In Gal 5:19-21 the list of the sins of the flesh are heavily weighted in terms of the divisive sins that damage Christ fellowship and witness: ‘hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy’.

Rom 14 urges a positive attitude which will build up, rather than destroy.

‘Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification’ (v. 19).

Harmony does no happen without vigorous effort.  We should be willing to ‘shoulder the burden of the doubts and qualms of others and not just to go our own sweet way’ (Romans 15:1 Phillips).

Disagreements and tensions easily fester, and develop into running sores.  People take sides, and a congregation becomes polarized.  Start early, and work hard, to avoid problems snowballing in this way.

J. C. Ryle. ‘Keep the walls of separation as low as possible, and shake hands over them as often as you can.’

Principle 4: humility – we must follow the example of Christ

Paul repeatedly urges us to walk in the footsteps of Jesus:

Each of us should please our neighbours for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please himself. (15:2–3)

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had. (15:5)

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you. (15:7)

If we belong to Christ and live under his lordship, then we must live his life. This is to be seen in the way in which we treat our fellow believers, including those with whom we disagree.

Paul did not use the brash and loud-mouthed approach of a showman, nor the manipulative oratory of a showman.  Rather, he appealed to, and sought to imitate, the humility and gentleness of Christ, 2 Cor 10:1, bearing with the failings and weaknesses of others, Rom 15:1.

Principle 5: priority – we must be clear about what matters

Christians will sometimes divide of the most trivial issues.  Two groups of Christians found that they could not work together on a local youth project because they could not agree on whether girls could be allowed to enter the church building wearing trousers.

Paul was clear about what matters most: not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, Rom 14:17; not talk, but power, 1 Cor 4:20.

‘The story is often told of Admiral Nelson who, shortly before the Battle of Trafalgar, heard that Admiral Collingwood was not on good terms with Captain Rotherham, who commanded a ship within Collingwood’s fleet. So he called them together. Joining their hands, he pointed to the French ships on the horizon and said, ‘Yonder is the enemy.’ They returned to their ships to work side by side in the battle.’

Let us focus on Christ and make as our goal God’s glory, Rom 15:5f.

Thinking carefully: fundamental motivations

1. Think about God’s family

Paul’s underlying concern is the building up of the Christian community.  The underlying attitude is one of respect, generosity and a commitment to mutual edification.  We are dealing, not with ‘things’ or ‘issues’, but with people.  Let us explore any disagreements by meeting face-to-face (where possible), trusting the other person and listening carefully.

In any debates we should both be concerned to uphold the truth and demonstrate concern for the welfare of the other person.  We should be gentle with those who oppose us, 2 Tim 2:24, seeking to build up rather than pull down, Eph 4:29.  Think about the impact on God’s family.

2. Think about God’s Son

Paul repeatedly sets before us the example of Jesus, focussing especially on his death, resurrection and return.  Our ‘opponents’ are brothers and sisters for whom Jesus died.  The risen Christ is their Lord, as well as our’s, and we have no right to Lord it over Christ’s servants.  Jesus is coming as judge, so we should not play that role ourselves.

‘Our unity arises from our commitment to the truth of the gospel, especially to our being ‘in Christ’, sharing his life, living by his Spirit and fulfilling the Father’s purpose.’

3. Think about God’s glory

‘May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ (Romans 15:5–6 NIV84)