Is forgiveness unilateral?  Must we – can we, even – forgive those who refuse to repent?

Our gut reaction – especially in a day when ‘unconditional love’ is such a popular notion – is probably that it is, we must, and we can (forgive the unrepentant, that is).

But God doesn’t do that.  If we we imagine that we can be reconclied with God, regardless of repentance, then we have landed ourselves right in the middle of the heresy of universalism.

The famous prayer, ‘Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us’ is precisely a prayer of the penitent.

In Matthew 18:15-22 Jesus says that we must forgive our brother an unlimited number of times.  But, again, this is not forgiveness without repentance, for that same passage makes it clear that church discipline is necessary so that the erring brother can repent, be forgiven, and restored to fellowship.

Note also:

Luke 17:3–4 (NET) — “If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

What about our Lord’s words from the cross: “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34).  We wonder why Jesus calls upon his Father to forgive them, even though ‘the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’ (Mk 2:10).  Also, we wonder to whom our Lord is referring, when he says, “Father, forgive them.”  Was this prayer answered?  When?  That Jesus was praying for those who were guilty of the most heinous crime in history subject to their repentance is clarified by Peter’s words in Acts 2:26ff.  Peter holds his hearers responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus, and leads them to the point of repentance.  Peter is clear: those who repent and belief will find forgiveness and will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Elsewhere, however, forgiveness is not explicitly tied to repentance:

Mark 11:25 (NET) — 25 Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your sins.”

Matthew 6:14–15 (NET) — “If you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins.”

Acts 7:60 (NET) — “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!”

It would seem, then, that we should adopt an attitude of forgiveness towards those who sin against us, even if they cannot (yet) find it in their hearts to repent.

In other words, we should always be ready to begin the process of forgiving others, even though full reconciliation cannot be achieved unless and until their is appropriate acknowledgement of and turning away from wrongdoing on the part of the other person.

In the words of Paul Carter:

‘Reconciliation is a bridge that has to be built from both sides, but forgiveness – in terms of letting go of any desire and plan for revenge, praying for the abuser, wishing well toward the offender – is work that we can begin in our own hearts right away, mindful of the mercy we have received and wary of the costs associated with on-going bitterness and resentment.’

If this seemes impossible to achieve, then remember that we have example of our Lord Jesus (who sought his executors’ good even while they sought his harm), and we have the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

See this, by Stephen Kneale, and this, by Paul Carter.

[Revised version of a post first published on 16 November 2021]